I can’t believe the last time I graced your screens was around 4 months ago. I’m back..and for any followers I am sorry to have kept you waiting too long. I have a myriad of excuses but will spare you any details. Let’s get into it shall we….
During my so called hiatus from the blog, I came to discover several things about myself. For one, I have a “fat mentality”. Incase you are wondering, a fat mentality is basically when you believe you are fat regardless of what you look like and regardless of whether people tell you otherwise. The Urban dictionary defines it as “a state of mind in which the body believes it is fat without and signs of obesity.”
I was looking at some pictures of myself pre-pregnancy and I was rather slim. During that period I did not think that at all. I kept on telling myself you can do more, you can look better, you can be skinnier. I wasn’t satisfied. I could fit into clothes I wore in university and I still thought I was fat. I had my babies put on some weight – still fit into most of my clothes – and I still think I am fat. So, I sat back and thought about it..as slim as I was I still thought I had a lot of work to do, right now still think I have a lot of work to do to be what I perceive to be slim. One question came to mind – have I ever been happy with the way I look? Why do I put so much emphasis on it…is it because of society? family? what?
I’ve never been the skinny person. I have always had curves as far as I can remember. The reason why I can’t embrace who I am and how I look is all mental. It stems from something inside that I have not, cannot or won’t address. I should. I have 2 kids who will grow up in the same negative body image cycle I have if I don’t. Media already portrays ideals of what women/men should look like and if they don’t it’s a big bad deal. They will have all that negativity – I do not need to give them mine. I need to give them body positivity. I need to change the way I look at my body, change my mentality and embrace me for me. Love. me. What I think and feel feeds down to them ultimately whether consciously or subconsciously.
How we perceive ourselves affects how others perceive us. My August project is to be good to myself and love myself. To appreciate me just the way I am. It will be a continuous work in progress but I have to face my “demons” and be a better me.